'Let's talk about difficult conversations'

Speakeasy is a community-building event series founded by the College of Discovery, Creativity and Innovation (CDCI), an arm of the Taylor Institute for Teaching and Learning. Encouraging discussion between students and staff from various disciplines, Speakeasy invites guest speakers to share the stage and reflect on timely and thought-provoking topics.

On Wednesday, May 16, the third event in the series will address the subject of difficult conversations. The four guest presenters are entrepreneur Lourdes Juan, Maribeth Murray (director of the Arctic Institute of North America), Sagar Grewal (incoming president of the University of Calgary’s Student Union) and chancellor and former Canadian astronaut Robert Thirsk. This presentation topic will confront the importance of having difficult conversations, and the ways that those conversations can be made productive, helping us to address global challenges — from environmental issues and food insecurity to racism and sexism.

Reflecting on the importance of engaging in difficult conversations, Thirsk explains that “astronauts are familiar with a type of difficult conversation called a ‘debrief.’ A debrief is a lessons-learned exercise amongst the crew and ground team that captures what we did right or wrong. Astronauts consider how mistakes that we made during training or flight could have been prevented.

“We have substantial egos (ha!), so speaking openly with others about our professional failures is uncomfortable,” he playfully adds. “But by doing so, astronauts hone their skills and performance.”

Sagar Grewal thinks broadly about the productive potential inherent to difficult conversations, noting that “engaging in difficult conversations often brings about the exchange of knowledge and perspectives, which, when done respectfully, can enlighten all those who engage, as it diversifies their own views of the world.

“These difficult conversations allow for voices to be heard, which may be unlike your own. However, hearing those different voices is an invaluable experience,” he continues. “It’s important to recognize that each person brings their own narrative and lived experiences to the conversation. And to better understand our own stance on issues, it is helpful to hear the stances of others.”

Speaking from personal experience

Both Thirsk and Grewal are able to touch on the Speakeasy theme based on personal experience.

Thinking about the Speakeasy topic, Thirsk references a particularly challenging debrief. “During a training simulation early in my astronaut career, I incorrectly shut down a thermal control loop that resulted in the loss of the entire International Space Station. Yikes! The debrief that followed that infamous training session was prolonged and focused in agonizing detail on my error,” he recalls. “That was a difficult conversation. By candidly acknowledging my error to the entire flight control team, I learned lessons that benefited the rest of my career. It was a painful rite of passage on the trajectory to my career success.”

Similarly, Grewal remembers the positive results that have stemmed from some of his difficult conversations. He reflects on the productive possibilities inherent to class discussions in a recent Global Challenges course (also founded by the CDCI). Additionally, he thinks about some of the challenging exchanges involved in making forward strides for inclusivity on campus.  

“A difficult conversation I had as a student advocate was one that I had along with other students and faculty members, here at the University of Calgary,” he says. “This conversation focused around the accessibility of our facilities, and how it could be improved to hopefully help underrepresented groups feel more welcome as valued members of our campus community. The end result of this difficult conversation was a successful Quality Money grant application worth $43,000, to create new gender-inclusive and barrier-free change rooms within the Faculty of Kinesiology.”